Possessions (Killing Time Remix) | Humans

Today I put my foot down. And it was scary as shit.

Someone said something to me that didn’t sit right. It made my blood boil. It made me chug my coffee with a voracity that I would normally reserve for bourbon. After sitting with it for a while, I still wasn’t cool with it. It wasn’t awful but it wasn’t cool. So put my foor down and eventually said something.

It felt so uncomfortable. i don’t like putting my foot down. I don’t like saying something. Telling someone what they can or can’t do. Telling someone what I will or won’t take. Because I don’t like absolute statements. Because I know things can change or evolve. And how you feel one day isn’t how you feel the next. And what you accept one day might not be acceptable the next.

That’s why I rarely say something. Or if I do it takes me a while. That’s why I usually stay quiet and let it slide…or hold it in rather. Holding it in is my default…and it’s been that way for a while apparently.

My mom likes telling people a story about when my pre-school teacher had to talk to her after class to discuss something I did that day. Apparently while playing with a toy, another kid snatched it out of my hands. I got a little miffed at first but I didn’t upset. I actually played with him the hold day like nothing at happened. At one point, I offered to give him a ride in a wagon and took him around the playground. Then the teacher heard a scream. And saw that I had taken him to the edge of the playground, as far away from the teacher as possible, and knocked him out of the wagon. When she ran up to us, she heard me say “that’s what you get for taking my toy.”

She told my mother she had never seen such a premeditated act of revenge conducted by someone so young. 

I guess it’s a good thing I’m learning to speak up. At least it’s a good thing for the other guy.