Don't Just Sit There | Lucius

Today is that day.

In 2009, I remember feeling a little off. I remember having this great job at this great company but feeling like something wasn’t right.

I remember sitting down to watch Beautiful Losers one night and feeling this chill. This weird feeling that was both comforting and disturbing at the same time. Like I saw where I was supposed to be and where I wasn’t at the same time. 

So I applied to grad school to change directions and become a designer. 

I thought grad school would give me the tools I needed to be a designer. But I didn’t realize that grad school would give me the experience I needed to be a better person. I didn’t realize that grad school would be this experience that would tear away at the parts of myself I had so carefully built, to uncover the flaws and talents that lie underneath.

I didn’t realize that grad school would be this force that would spread and be felt in other parts of my life. That would push me to do so much I had held myself back from experiencing: To leap. To love. To fail. To push. To break. To try. 

My favorite part of Beautiful Losers was something Mike Mills said:

‘The Mainstream’ was like my first girlfriend that dumped me really hard and I’ve never forgotten her. That’s really embarrassing to admit but it’s kind of true and I think that’s why my work often relates to it. Even if I’m like poking at it or fucking with it, it’s because I’m still in love with her and hate her. Feel jilted, you know?

I remember relating to that so much when I watched that movie before grad school. But now, after grad school, after this intense experience, after leaping and loving and failing and pushing and breaking and trying more than I ever have, I understand what he was saying. And I am so grateful for it. And so grateful or all the Beautiful Losers I have met and will meet in my life. But more than anything, I’m grateful to be one of them.