Too Late | Washed Out

Washed out always makes me think about one of my exes.

I remember listening to “I Feel it All” on repeat the year we met. And I really did feel it all since he was my first relationship.

I remember writing about “Don’t Give Up” back in 2013. It was after round one, but before round two - when I felt so heartbroken that everything I experienced felt off.

Since then (and a short-lived third round) every time time I thought of him, I got sad...or felt regret that we’re not in each other’s lives…or had a twinge of longing to reconnect in some way. To be honest, since “Don’t Give Up” came out, I don’t think I’ve just been sad about him. I think since “Don’t Give Up”, I’ve felt a little sad about love in general. And I didn’t realize it until recently.

The other day, while searching for something in my email, I found an old chat thread between us. Usually I would avoid reading these - trying to avoid all the emotions that would come with if I did. But this time I opened it and read it. I read our banter, our jokes, our flirting, our weird topics, and our weird interests. I read us.

And I smiled.

I smiled because because i saw how cute, hilarious, and fun we were. And I didn’t feel any of the sadness regret, or longing I felt in the past.

I don’t know what’s changed. Well, I kind of do. But I’m not going to pull it apart trying to figure it all out. Instead, I’m going to sit with how good it feels…and how good it feels to experience it with another great Washed Out track.

I have a hunch. But to be honest, It doesn’t really matter.