Stuck | Day Wave
You think you know me. But nobody knows me.
I feel like everyone feels that way at some point. I know I have.
It’s funny the other day i was talking to someone about a comment they made about me. They said when they walk into a party they try to hide in a corner but i walk in with my hands up going “Hey everybody! I’m here”.
When he said that I felt this weird combination of being surprised and hurt. That someone I thought knew me really didn’t know me at all.
Don’t get me wrong, I love to party. And there have been moments when I’ve walked into a room and some fun time yelling has begun. But the idea that he thought getting attention is my MO made me sad.
It made me sad to know who I was could be so misconstrued.
But I guess that’s what happens.
I guess that’s what happens when you’re nearly six feet tall with huge hair who can’t hide in a corner unseen even if she tried. I guess that what happens when you can’t muffle your excitement and just have to say “fuck yeah” when you see something, or someone, you love. I guess that what happens when you’re the kind of person that hears a song she loves and has to dance…even if it’s in the middle of a grocery store.
I guess that’s what happens when no ones sees you when you’re alone. When you’re still. When you’re in your head. Stuck in your head.
When people don’t see those parts of you, they just think you’re a party girl.
It reminded me of this moment in high school…when everyone was asked to share something about ourselves that no knew…and I shared i had a quiet side…and the room went silent…and everyone burst out into laughter….and then someone said “what? when you’re sleeping?”…and then they laughed some more.
I don’t think I had ever wanted to shout “Fuck You All” as loudly as I did in that moment.
And that’s what i kinda wanted to say that to this person the other day. I wanted to shout “Fuck You!” for not having a clue about who I was.
But then I realized that’s what happens.
That’s what happens when you don’t want to let them in.
