Day Wave - You Are Who You Are | House Arrest Recs

My love for Day Wave has yet to fade. But whenever I hear this song I cringe.

You know the saying “people never change”? I feel like I’ve been at odds with that saying for years. Well…maybe decades. 

I remember having a discussion with my friend Amita a long time ago and her ending it with “people never change”. Amita was an old soul…even in grade school. She always seemed like the mature, wise, calm friend to my naive, figuring-shit-out, hyper self. I loved (and still love) hearing Amita’s point of view. But I remember hearing those words and, for the first time, feeling uncomfortable with her certainty in something I was certain she was wrong about. And I still cringe the times I’ve heard it since.

It’s not that I’m adamant about the idea that people can change. It’s just that I’m adamantly against the idea that they can’t. 

I’m against the idea that throughout our lives we don’t see, notice, or experience the smallest, or biggest, moments that make us pause…that make us stop…that make us think…that make us wonder…and allow us to see things in a different light…and maybe…if we’re lucky enough…choose something different.

I’m against the idea that people can’t evolve in their lifetime. That who they are can’t be shifted through decisions they make themselves or through unconscious reactions made on their behalf by something they have no control over.

I cringe when I hear someone say “people can’t change” because I’ve seen it happen and it’s beautiful. And when someone discounts the possibility of that beauty happening it makes me sad, and angry. It makes me want to punch them in the face for fear that they might say it again in the presence of someone who wants to change but feels that they can’t, or that it’s too hard, and in hearing “people can’t change” gives up and resolves to continue to be the person they wish they were slightly different from. 

I cringe when someone says “people can’t change”. But I know why they say it.

Because for all the beautiful, magical moments when you see someone change, there are those other moments. Those moments when you see someone at the precipice of change…at the precipice being someone better than who they are…and at that moment when they lift their foot to take a step forward, you squint in the hopes that it will fix whatever’s going on with your eyes that’s making it seem that their foot is moving backwards. And when it finally registers that neither your eyes, nor that person, has shifted, it’s heartbreaking.

I cringe whenever someone says “people can’t change”. But I know that cringe is far less painful than what happens you you believe that someone can change and they don’t.