Somebody Else - Shadow Child Apollo Remix | Tensnake, Boy Matthews, Shadow Child

THIS is one of those tracks.

The type of track I could listen to for hours. The type of track that makes me turn the lights off in my house and just dance. The type of track that reminds me why I love going out dancing so much.

“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

That’s a sentence I say over and over again. To friends. To family. To shrugs (the name I give guys who, when i’m i’m asked the question “so what’s up with you two?”, evoke that gesture).

“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

I should really stop saying that. Because it’s a lie. I do want to talk about it. But I don’t know if I can. Or…I don’t know if I can with you.

“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

I don’t know if I can talk about race with you. I don’t know if I can talk about my feelings with you. I don’t know if I can talk about my fears with you.

“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

If I say that, it’s because I don’t trust you. I don’t trust that you’ll understand. I don’t trust that you’ll want to understand. And I don’t trust if you’ll try to understand.

“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

I don’t trust that you’ll hold space for me. I don’t trust that you’ll make me feel safe.

“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

But the dance floor always held space for me. The dance floor has always made me feel safe. Even yesterday, when telling my co-workers about going to raves in Chicago when I was 15 (going to the check points in the middle of nowhere, the abandoned warehouses) they asked if it was dangerous. I’m sure on some level it was. But for me I always felt safe.

“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

Because growing up feeling like I couldn’t talk about the things that meant the most to me to the people around me, I found other ways to get it out. If I couldn’t talk it out, at least I could dance it out.

“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

THIS is one of those tracks.

The type of track I could listen to for hours. They type of track that makes me turn the lights off in my house and just dance. The type of track that reminds me why I love going out dancing so much.

Because this track gets to core of it all.