Innerbloom | RUFUS

Feels like I’m waiting…

…like I’m watching…

…watching for you…

…

The past few weeks have been like that for me. 

I remember talking to my shrink about this once. He told me about this psych term called ‘holding’ where instead of taking action, you act, or participate, by just observing everything going on around you. 

I told him it reminded me of playing basketball. Those moments when you stop dribbling, or when you’re throwing a ball in from out of bounds. Even though you’re standing still, you’re so insanely active.

You’re eyes are scanning the floor connecting with everyone that comes within your sights. Your feet are on point ready to move in any direction you need them to at a moment’s notice. And you’re so aware of your fingers loosening and tightening their grip on the ball as each opportunity to pass materializes and disappears in front of you every second.

To him, that sounded like a spot on analogy. And to me, holding felt spot on.

Because before, when I didn’t take action, I felt restless, or nervous, or anxious. Like I was wasting time, or missing an opportunity. But this idea of holding felt right. 

This idea that not doing something, if you’re paying attention, is doing something. The idea that not taking action is sometimes the best action, if you take that time to really figure out what’s the right action for your to take.

I feel like I’ve been holding for the past few weeks.

And it feels really good.