My Life | ZHU, Tame Impala

Don't tell me it's in my mind.

You know when you feel "off"? Like something is wrong but you can't put your finger on it?

I've been feeling that way for a few months now. And it feels like I've been pulling my life apart to get to the bottom of it. When I started, my only goal was to figure out what was going on in that one area of my life. I didn't realize that it would uncover so many other things.

I didn't realize I would bring to light some issues that have been lying not-so-dormant for...well...probably my entire "adult" life. I didn't realize it would result in a painful medical procedure that would knock me in my ass. I didn't realize it would entail me staying home and sitting still for days on end. And I didn't realize that sitting still would be so difficult for me. And that the difficulty would be so eye opening.

Things are a lot better now. I want to say that I'm beginning to come out on the other end. But every time I start to, there's a part of me that wonders if I'm still in the thick of it. And then I wonder just how much longer I'll be "in the thick of it".

Honestly, I have a feeling that, in some form or another, I'll be in and out of "the thick of it" for the rest of my life.  

Part of me is scared shitless by the thought of that.

And the other part of me is...well...she's smiling because she knows it will be a fun ride.